


color my scars

by pallidrose



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Body Image, Book 6: Nightfall, Gen, Identity Issues, Scars, title may change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallidrose/pseuds/pallidrose
Summary: In the aftermath of Nightfall, Biana struggles with conventional beauty, and how it defines her. Dex offers her a choice.
Relationships: Dex Dizznee & Biana Vacker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	color my scars

Biana was staring at her reflection in the mirror when the knock sounded at the door.

She jumped, then snatched the nearest makeup brush from her vanity and hastily pretended to be in the midst of a makeover. The brush- and Biana’s face- was distinctly makeup-free, but if she was lucky, the caller would be her father, who would be less likely to notice or care.

The odds prevailed, and it was Fitz who poked his head past her door, an unreadable expression on his usually very readable face.

“Bi. Someone’s here for you.”

Biana set down her makeup brush, and Fitz’s eyes followed it, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Aren’t you supposed to be avoiding makeup? Elwin said it would mess with the…”

He didn’t finish. It didn’t matter.

_ The healing process. _

_ The scars. _

It all amounted to the same thing in the end. Biana’s perfect face and body had been disfigured. Defaced. Ruined in the struggle to save the Lost Cities, and the world at large.

Biana’s beauty was the latest casualty in this war, and not even her own brother dared to acknowledge them.

She wasn’t sure whether to be angry or grateful.

She shrugged, and while Fitz’s lips tightened, he stayed silent. It may have helped that the gesture shifted the skin of her left side, causing her to wince visibly.

“Who’s here?”

Sophie, she assumed. Come to offer another barrage of apologies for something that wasn’t her fault. More than likely, Biana would be the one to end up comforting her.

Or maybe Linh, Biana considered. She knew more than anyone what it was like to stand out for reasons that were less than pleasant, by elven standards. No, like Sophie, Linh knew the power of whispers, of indiscreet stares, and perhaps most importantly, the pain of having one’s identity stripped away and stamped down. But unlike Sophie, Linh wasn’t likely to feel responsible for the entire situation.

So it was Linh that Biana was secretly hoping for when Fitz said a name she hadn’t considered.

“It’s Dex,” he said, and Biana blinked.

“That’s… okay,” she said and mentally kicked herself. As if it  _ wouldn’t _ be okay. Dex was her friend, just like Sophie and Linh and anyone else.

Except she’d hardly seen Dex in weeks. No one had. Not since  _ something _ had happened between him and Sophie, something Sophie refused to talk about. Whatever had happened had pushed Dex into a sort of self-imposed exile. And though Sophie wouldn’t explain, Biana had a few theories of her own.

Not that it was, strictly speaking, any of her business. What  _ was _ her business was why Dex Dizznee had suddenly showed up here, at Everglen, asking to see her.

Fitz nodded, obviously confused but not willing to press. “Okay. Well, um…” he awkwardly opened up the door, revealing Dex, his face somehow redder than Biana’s.

Biana couldn’t blame Fitz for seeming just as mortified. She managed to tell him to thank him and send him on his way, which left her and Dex alone.

Great.

These days, most people tended to stare past Biana’s head when they spoke to her, or at the floor. Those who had the guts to actually look at her kept an unnaturally tight focus on her eyes.

All except Dex, apparently. His gaze traced over her scars, not intrusively, or with the horrified fascination, but with curiosity.

And curiosity Biana could deal with.

“Do they hurt?”

Biana would have shrugged again, but she’d learned her lesson with Fitz. Which only proved her point when she said, “Sometimes, when I move a certain way.”

He nodded. “I thought Elwin would have done something about that.” His tone lifted at the end, like he was delivering a question.

“He did,” she said flatly. “But they’re pretty bad, Dex. There’s only so much he can do without knocking me out completely. And all the blood loss narrowed down his options a bit. And-” she hesitated- “he can’t do anything to get rid of them. Not completely. In case you were wondering.”

Dex took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “Right. About that. I… may be able to do that part. If you wanted.”

Biana’s heart sped up. “What do you mean?”

Dex took a deep breath, and squared his shoulders. "I think I could find a way for you to make your scars fade. Permanently. But  _ only _ if you want it."

Biana shook her head. "Dex, I- how? Elwin said it was impossible."

"Elwin isn't a Technopath," he said, as if that explained everything. "I can't be sure if it'd just yet, but I could give it a try. But only if that's what you want. Sorry I came all the way here, I just..." He hesitated. "I thought you'd rather talk in person than over imparter."

She leaned back in her chair, processing that.

Dex could give back her sense of normality, of self. That was what he was really offering here.

And part of Biana wanted to snatch up the opportunity.

But she had to clarify something first.

"Dex… if you can do this- or at least might be able to- why haven't you tried before?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

She gestured at his abdomen, where she knew a thumbprint-shaped scar was hidden under his jerkin. "Why didn't you ever try to heal yours?"

He placed a hand over it. "I guess I didn't really think it was worth it," he said. "My scar reminds me why I'm fighting, and how far I've come. And I wasn't as good with gadgets back then, either, but still. That's why I want to make sure this is  _ your _ choice. Scars can mean a lot. It's up to you to decide what."

She stared at him a moment. She had considered that before- that her scars could be something more to her than disfigurement, if she let them. That maybe she could adapt to this new version of her in exchange for bearing evidence of her courage upon her skin.

Somehow she always ended up back at the beginning. After all, she didn't have a choice in the matter, and to her, that made all the difference. How could she be proud of something unintentional, of another person's work? Of  _ Vespera's _ work?

Suddenly, that wasn't true anymore. At least, it didn't have to be. She could reclaim her own body, wear her scars like a badge of honor, knowing she had chosen to keep them there.

Or she could erase them. Make it as if they’d never been there. Shed any lasting reminders of what had happened at Nightfall.

The thought made her head spin.

"If it means anything," added Dex quietly, "I think they look really cool."

"I'll think about it," she finally told him. "I… I don't think I'm ready to make that decision yet."

Dex nodded earnestly. "I get it. And I'm really sorry if I shouldn't have come."

"What do you mean?"

"I kinda did show up at your house to tell you about how I could change you. That was probably really rude."

"Dex," she said gently. "I'm glad you came. I am."

He took a step forward, then hesitated. "Will it hurt if I-"

He didn't have to finish. Biana stood and wrapped him in a tight hug, and he immediately hugged her back.

It did hurt, a little.

It was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys I can't remember anything about Nightfall or Flashback this might not fit with canon at all-


End file.
